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21 April 2014

"Safe Words" for Couples

Even if you are going to a swinger club or party with no intention of talking to or playing with anyone, there is always a chance that one or both of you can end up in a situation that you want to get out of.  But how do you get the point across to your partner in a way that is clear and yet discrete?  You don't want to offend people or make a scene if you can let your partner know you are uncomfortable quietly.

The preferred method to do this is to establish a "Safe Word", or "Code Word" that only you and your partner know about that is uncommon but could be used in a conversation without seeming suspicious.  For example, if you chose the words "baby bottle" it is reasonable for either of you in the middle of a conversation to say something like "hey, honey, did you leave the baby bottle for the sitter?"  The key is for the two of you to talk about the Safe Word you have chosen and be very familiar with it.  Be ready to use it if you really need it, but don't tell your swinger friends what the word is.  You really don't want it to be common knowledge in case you have to use it when your friends are around.

What do you do if your partner uses your Safe Word?  What seems to work best is to just ask your partner to go with you somewhere, like to the bathroom, to get a drink, to the locker room, anything that make sense in the setting you are in.  If that is not feasible, try to figure out what situation is causing your partner to be uncomfortable.  If they are in a conversation you could try to insert yourself into the conversation and change the subject and talk directly to the person you think is causing the issue to divert their attention to you and away from your partner.  A good last resort is to just make a scene of some kind ... just walk over and start kissing your partner, act like you have a cramp, drop something on the floor, spill a drink, whatever it takes.  Your primary responsibility is to keep your partner feeling safe and comfortable, and if you have to cause a little embarrassment for yourself to do that it is usually a good investment.

So, practice your Safe Words, be safe in general, and keep having fun!

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