Starting Out Swinging?

Welcome! If you are starting out swinging and are new to this site, we suggest you click on "CINCINNATI SWINGING 101" above to get the whole list of articles and start reading the articles from bottom (oldest) to top (newest).

Be sure to click the "Read the Rest..." link for each article and especially read the comments at the end of the articles. A LOT of updates end up in the comments.

07 November 2011

Approaching Couples at a Club

This isn't meant to be a comprehensive guide, but a reminder of the #1 important thing to remember for those who are dealing with a couple, which is are dealing with a couple.  The bottom-line is this:

If the person you want to play with is part of a couple, spend time talking to BOTH of them.  If you don't and you are rejected, don't be surprised.

Our best times have been when we are with people and it doesn't matter the seating order, who is sitting next to who, who is talking to who, and we just enjoy hanging out all together.  On the flip side, some of the more uncomfortable times we have had were when a person or couple totally ignored one of us.  But honestly, it's not very fun either when the guy ONLY talks to her, and the girl ONLY talks to him.  We are there as a couple, and in our case a married couple, so we feel it's pretty rude if you are ignoring half of us.

Now, we understand that there can be a lot going on at a club when you find someone you are interested in, and hormones, libidos, and alcohol blood levels can all be running high.  But you still need to keep in mind that when the person you are interested in came as a part of couple, there is someone else you need to be concerned about.  In fact, you will do yourself a favor to ask early on who they came with and start asking to meet or talk to their spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner.  In most circumstances your opportunity to play with someone is greatly influenced by the people they came with, and the better the impression you make with them the better your night can go.  Even if who you are interested in came with someone who is just a ride to the club, scoring points with the other person could keep them from deciding to leave early and spoiling your fun.

Not every committed couple that arrives together plays together, but even so, they are still a couple regardless of whether they are near each other at the club.  Even if the other person is off playing already, remember that they are essentially letting you borrow their partner for a while, so be polite and show them respect if they show up again and you are still socializing with the person they arrived with.

As a final note to single guys, make a point to introduce yourself to the husband of a married lady even if it seems like a "done deal" with the wife.  If he seems to be avoiding you when you talk to him, honor that too. Every couple is different, and not every husband wants to be friends with the guy that is about to do his wife.  Making the effort to at least try to be polite to him is your only real responsibility there.  Just be prepared for either end of the spectrum, which ranges from him heading one way while you and his wife head the other, to him joining you to watch or even participating to some extent.  Either way, just remember ... "respect".

P.S.:  I didn't mean to leave out advice about polyamorous relationships, but we just haven't had experience there yet.  You can probably double or triple the importance of talking to the people they are there with, though...


  1. Hello... my wife and I like going to "regular bars" and meeting others interested in swinging activities. Swing Clubs are great, but sometimes we like the thrill of the "pickup" or meeting somebody and hinting around about having fun to see if we are all on the same page. Can anybody recommend a good bar for this? Maybe a place where swingers tend to congregate? We used to enjoy doing this at a hotel bar in NKY, but it has recently closed down. Any advice?

  2. Hi there. I thought my first experience at a club would be useful here too.
    They were in an open room watching another couple, as was I and I saw she seemed to be doing all the playing with him. Seemed it was all about him but she was a lovely lady so I thought once they were out of the room in the loungs I would say g'day.
    I was as nervous as hell approaching them and did introduce myself to both and started chatting. It was nice to realise they were as nervous as I was. After a little small talk I asked if they wanted to "play". She said sure but reverted to him and between their looks it was clear he was unsure. I politely said I woould be around for a while and to grab me if they felt like playing later.
    After an hour or so he came up and we played a game of pool and had a chat about guy stuff, sport and the like. She sat nearby at the bar and did not enter into the conversation. It was her choice. Towards the end of the game he said his wife was shy and he was nervous but maybe next time they would be a bit more relaxed. Turns out it was their first time at a club too. They were nice and I look forward to going back in a few weeks.
    Anyway, to relat this story back to your advice. I intuitively followed your suggestions AND it worked. While we never played that night, I am 100% confident that next time I see them they will be more like old friends and things will happen. I certainly hope so, she was a beautiful lady and he was a decent bloke too....